just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
