i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
