Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
