you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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