Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
