Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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