I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
