Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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