fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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