So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
