I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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