Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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