I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
