im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize