I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
