Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
