omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize