Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize