she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
