she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he thought i was a dude.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize