At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
