Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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