due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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