i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
