I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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