Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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