I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
