We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
