I don't think brook has ever known best
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
