new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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