Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize