Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize