Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
