it's like heaven, but drunker
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
3pm strippers are depressing
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
