After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
