Kiss
Puke
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
