i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
