Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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