I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize