Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
