I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
