Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
