I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
