first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
