finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Panties = found
Randomize
