thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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