I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
