i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
