Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
