I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
two words: eviction party
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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