i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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