Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
