Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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