It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
