8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she smelled like a LAN party
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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