I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
