I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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