where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
