Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
