Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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