There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
