I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
