Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
