that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
